hush darling it's all over soon (anabelsdreaming) wrote in sicklypeople,
hush darling it's all over soon

a good find!

now this community is right up my alley. i usually try not to piss and moan all over my own journal about how sick i feel, what a relief to find a few people who don't mind. cheers to you guys, its too much a load for people to have to lock all their woes inside.
as far as i am concerned, i spent a few months in the hospital a year ago because i had a carcinoid tumor in my lung and have to get the lobe chopped out and in the process the docs managed to give me a staff infection and during the treatment for that they punctured something while inserted a lung tube through my back which put me back into more surgery and gave me a couple brushes up against death. afterwards in fear that i would sue they pretty much stopped seeing me and stopped prescribing the pain meds i was supposed to be on for a while longer and then eased off of, so i became a heroin addict as a way of self medicating yay! as of two and a half months ago i am clean of that which is reassuring in some ways but sucks in other because it means i am gaining back all the weight i lost from throwing up almost every time i ate during those 9 months. on top of that the doctors i have seen recently said i should have had my appendix removed because of the connection with lung and appendix carcinoids and the throbbing pain in the side anytime i have to crap that doubles me over in pain for a good half hour a day is not a good sign for the possibility of tumors in the rest of my digestive system (i am procrastinating on the tests to find out). also i have slight case of spastic dysplasia from brain damage when i was born as well as partial seizures simple and complex. i have been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder but it might just be symptoms from the seizures. i have a heart murmur in my arterial something rather and am supposed to be on heart pills (metoprolol) but i don't take them nor do i take the seizure meds because they make me clumsy and tired and i don't always have access to a doctor anyways because i have pretty much chosen to live what i do have of my life traveling. oh and my knees crunch like stepping on bugs every time i bend them because the cartilage is screwed so i can barely hike anymore. i feel too weak to do much of anything lately and none of my friends or family seem to understand that. i don't know anyone who has been in this situation and it scared the piss outta me that i can't just keep up the denial if the symptoms are going to keep getting worse. if it wasn't for my morbid sense of humor and nihilistic outlook i would surely be depressed as well. that being said, i wish you guys all pleasant sensations and entertaining events. cheers.
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